Black Coffee
by Daphne-myst
Summary: After twelve years in Azkaban, Sirius comes back to Hogwarts to discover Remus' relationship with Severus Snape. Who will Remus choose?
1. The new DADA teacher

**CHAPTER ONE: The new DADA Teacher  
**  
**Category:** M/M, slash, angst, bitter, romance  
  
**Rated:** Hard R /NC-17  
  
**Pairing:** Severus/Remus and also a little bit of Sirius/Remus  
  
**Spoilers:** Alternative Universe. The story is set at the beginning of Harry's third year at Hogwarts.  
  
**Disclaimer:** The story is based on characters created and owned by J. K. Rowling. I only take them and use them to write this fanfic and no monetary gain will be made from this story.  
  
**Authoress homepage:** you will also be able to find all my fics in the newt website: www . livejournal . com / user name daphnemyst  
  
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Hogwarts was full of noise and laughs again, just like always happens at the beginning of the school term. Everyone was sitting at the Great Hall, laughing and talking about their holidays.  
  
The new students, visibly nervous, stood behind the closed doors, waiting for the Headmaster to call them while at the large professor's table, a new teacher was waiting to be introduced at his news students.  
  
From the Gryffindor table, three pair of eyes were looking at his new professor  
  
"I hope he will be better than Lockhart" Ron said hopefully  
  
"That's not so difficult" Harry replied  
  
"Yeah, you're right mate" Ron exclaimed laughing  
  
"This year's subjects are really interesting, have you seen them?" Hermiene asked exited, his nose glued to a heavy book.  
  
"Oh, come on 'mione, we haven't started school yet!" Ron complained  
  
"He is right, relax yourself!"  
  
But their voices were silenced by Dumbledore, the Hogwarts' Headmaster who stood up, and indicated the opening of the sorting. The new students entered one by one by alphabetical order and were sent to the different houses. After the sorting, the Headmaster introduced the new DADA professor.  
  
"My dear students, this year I have the pleasure to introduce you the new DADA professor, Remus Lupin. I hope he will receive the respect you have shown for the rest of the professors in that school"a bunch of applauses filled the room and after a few minutes Dumbledore encourage them to enjoy their meal.  
  
Remus Lupin smiled satisfied 'It was good to be back' and looked at his right side, where the Potion's Master sat angrily, visibly annoyed by the immediate beginning of the term. Laughing he put a gentle hand over his left knee  
  
"Don't get angry Severus, it's just a party, enjoy your last day of freedom".  
  
"Arghhhhh ..." Professor Snape replied. At this reaction Remus couldn't help but start to laugh widely and his laugh soon was copied by his colleagues.  
  
Dumbledore, from the other side of the table smiled briefly 'Maybe I have made something right, they seem to be happy. Perhaps Remus could calm that bitter personality of him' he thought, and then he concentrated on the long term he had in front of him, sighing with resignation.  
  
--------------  
  
After the party, Severus had to guide the first year students at his new rooms and Remus made his way to the dungeons. When he reached the door he shouted the password and came in. The room was quite dark. Only the soft light of the moon bathed the air and Remus walked to the middle of the room and lit the candles.  
  
A big bed was placed in front of a chimney, next to the bathroom's door, and the walls were hidden behind also big wooden shelves replete of books. A wood table with some chairs, a huge black cupboard and an uncomfortable couch filled the rest of the room and some heavy green curtains dressed the windows.  
  
Remus smiled 'it is absolutely Snap-ish style, I need to do some changes here' he thought happily. He put his clothes on the cupboard and changed the sheet beds "lanolin it is not really comfortable my stoic professor" he said out loud  
  
"So what do you suggest, Lupin?" Remus turned around to face the dark silhouette of his lover ho had just entered the room.  
  
After nine years of relationship he persisted into calling him by his surname, so he decided to follow his game.  
  
"What about silk silver sheets, my dear Potion's Master?" he asked with lusty eyes  
  
"Sounds wonderful... but before that, what about some coffee?"  
  
"You really know how to kill the mood Sev" he said, pretending to be angry  
  
The Potion's Master couldn't help but laugh at Remus' comment.  
  
Maybe it was not what one could classify as a romantic relationship, but they definitely had something that was not only sex. 'Of course the sex was good... well in fact was wonderful' but there was something else. Remus loved the no-longer 'greasy git' and he knew that Severus loved him too. Maybe he didn't whisper him love words in bed and he definitely not promised him eternal love but at his way, Severus loved him.  
  
"Do you want me to lend you a map or do you think you can summon coffee by yourself?" Severus shouted at him from the bathroom.  
  
"I think I could manage my dear" Remus said softly knowing fully well that Severus hated this type of 'ridiculous nicknames'. A loud angry noise was the only response.  
  
Amused Remus summoned two cups of coffee. One with dark bitter coffee and the other one with lots of milk and sugar.  
  
"Honestly Severus I can't imagine how you can drink your coffee like this, it's awful" Remus said making faces by the taste of Severus coffee "at least you could drink it with a little bit of sugar"  
  
"I like it that way, you silly werewolf" Severus said, taking the cup of coffee from Remus hands while he managed to dry his hair with a towel.  
  
He sat at the edge of the bed and started to undress himself. Remus was looking at him lustfully and licked his lips, roaming Severus' body with hungry eyes. Severus caught his aroused gaze and he started taking off his clothes painfully slowly, unbuttoning his large shirt sensually. Remus was getting more and more aroused as the black shirt was revealing Severus' paled chest. When the tenth button was unfastened Remus couldn't stand it anymore and jumped against his loved Potions Master who was smiling evilly. He pushed him hardly against the mattress and started kissing him roughly, tearing his shirt as he muttered "these buttons are going to kill me someday". Suddenly, A knock on the door made them jump.  
  
"What the fuck....?" They stood up and tried to dress themselves properly again and after a few seconds Severus opened the door and saw Dumbledore worried face.  
  
"I'm so sorry to annoy you my dear boys but there's something that The Order have to discuss immediately" he said severely.  
  
"What's the matter Albus?" Severus asked worried  
  
"I can't explain it here Severus, you will have to come to my office, the rest of the order are already there"  
  
The two men followed the Headmaster through the damp corridors. When they arrived at his office the others were waiting with preoccupied expressions in their faces. Dumbledore sat behind his desk and remained silent for a few minutes while the others were staring at him intensely; no one knew why they had been convoked. Then he stood up, he looked extremely tired.  
  
"What I'm going to tell you it's not easy, specially for some of you" he said while he looked at Remus. The werewolf felt a freezing shiver running up and down his body and big drops of sweat poured out of his body.  
  
"In the following days we will have to be prepared to protect Harry, I have the suspicion that someone will try to kill the boy and we will have to be ready"  
  
"Albus please, tell us what's happening?" Remus asked visibly anxious and a gently hand wrapped around his arm, holding him tightly.  
  
A bunch of noises seconded the motion and sighing, Dumbledore looked at Remus' eyes with a comforting gaze. In the few seconds before the Headmaster spoke again, Remus got terribly ill. A suspicion was growing inside him like a cancer, eating him alive and he thought he won't be able to hear Dumbledore next words, and he was right.  
  
"Sirius is back Remus, he escaped from Azkaban a few hours ago with some other Death Eaters"  
  
**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Back to the old times

**CHAPTER TWO. Back to the old times**  
  
**Disclaimer:** The second part written in italics is quoted literally from the third book of Harry Potter "The Prisoner of Azkaban". I quoted it because it matches perfectly with the plot of my story, I hope you don't mind!  
  
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"But that's not possible Albus, Azkaban is the best prison in the world" Remus said hopefully  
  
"I know that Remus but..."  
  
Remus breathed a few times and asked "How did they do it?"  
  
" They don't know it yet, they are investigating"  
  
"Does Harry know?"  
  
"No, I preferred you all to know it first but tomorrow I'll have to tell him"  
  
With an incredible calm Remus said "We should send someone to the Shrieking Sack. If Sirius... if Sirius wants to kill Harry maybe he will try to hide there. It's been years since someone goes there... I can take a look at it tomorrow and..."  
  
"Remus you don't have to do it, I can send someone else"  
  
"No, I'll do it" he concluded with resolution  
  
"All right Remus. The others please stay alert and inform me of any change. We will meet again this Sunday here in my office, now go and rest, tomorrow will be a really tiring day"  
  
Slowly, the head down, everyone came back to their rooms. Severus and Remus made their way to the dungeons in silence, both focused on their own thoughts and feelings. Severus was utterly surprised and also a little bit proud of his lover ( but this was a thing he will never recognize in public).Remus had remained calm when Dumbledore gave them the news, he immediately had taken control of the situation.  
  
He smiled briefly but soon his smile faded away of his face when they entered their rooms and saw his face. Pain. It was hardly recognizable, but his wolfish eyes never lied. It had been so long since the last time he saw this emotion shake his lover's body.  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"mmm fine" the wolf said trying to smile  
  
"Don't lie to me Remus" the potions master said severely  
  
And in that moment Remus knew he would never be able to lie to him. 'Severus knew, he called him Remus, he never did it, he was worried for him'. Severus walked closer and took his waist, looking at him intently.  
  
"You are not alone Remus"  
  
"I know"  
  
"Speak to me, we can't go back to the old times, I ... I can't"  
  
"No Severus ... I don't want to speak now, I'm tired, don't insist"  
  
"But Remus"  
  
"I said no Severus" Remus said loudly and went away from him.  
  
Severus sighed sadly 'there it is again, the coldness, the hatred were back again, just like nine years before"  
  
---------------  
  
That year passed quite fast, Sirius Black managed to enter the school and the students were quite stressed out but regardless the efforts of the Order and also the Ministry of magic, anyone was able to catch him, and Remus was worried about Harry Potter. The werewolf learnt to love the boy so easily that scared him.  
  
'He had Lily's eyes and the kindness and the courage of his father but with a bright expression in his eyes he couldn't recognize'.  
  
The DADA professor smiled briefly and tried to focus again on the exams he was correcting, but a knock on the door distracted him again.  
  
"Enter"  
  
The door was opened and the dark silhouette of the Potions Master entered the room with a closed expression in his face.  
  
"Albus has convoked a meeting, he wants us to be there immediately, we have to discuss the safety of Mr.Potter during the summer Holidays" he said sharply  
  
"Thank you Severus, you can go first, I'll be there in a minute"  
  
Severus turned around and walked away, closing the door silently behind him. Sighing the Potions Master made his way to the Headmaster office, trying not to think about their last year together. 'It has been awful, it was just as if they had come back nine years ago, at the beginning of his relationship.  
  
After Sirius Black was sent to Azkaban, the werewolf had been visiting Albus quite often. The first three years they didn't exchange a word, they acted politely, and respected each other lives. That was it.  
  
But after three years something changed. In the present time Severus suspected that the Headmaster had been involved in a way or another but he couldn't certainly tell. The thing was that he started to feel something for that skinny blondish werewolf, his sad eyes and low voice. Albus asked him to create a potion to eradicate the effects of the wolf transformation and that gave him the opportunity to spend more time with Remus.  
  
One day the wolf had entered his dungeons and without uttering a single word he had pushed him against the table and fucked him senseless, rough and hard. No gentle caresses, no kind touching, just animal lust.  
  
But that day, that day Severus could see something in those beautiful wild eyes, something beyond the wolf and beyond all the suffering, that day 'The cold and celibate Potions Master, pure blood and big nose, had fallen in love'. But that day something changed, the next morning the werewolf started to avoid him and the following months were a hell; bitter words, coldness and hate was all he could take from him.  
  
But Severus knew how to be patient. He held him during all his transformations, when the physical pained mixed with the sadness made him moan and scream. He held him when he asked for his lost lover, Sirius Black. he stayed by his side when he was wounded and depressed.  
  
Slowly the werewolf got used to his company, he forgot about the hate and the pain and he rediscovered the lost taste of happiness. Finally, after four years, they moved into an apartment in Hogsmeade, so that Severus could go to Hogwarts every day and started a life together.  
  
And now ... 'now that damned son of a bitch named Sirius Black had come back from the darkness to destroy Remus' life again'  
  
-----------------  
  
Still at his office, Remus sighed and rested his head on his hands. That last year had been awful and he knew it was only his fault. Severus tried to help him, tried to understand him and he had thanked him with bitter words. He didn't deserved him but he couldn't stop his feelings.  
  
'He love Severus but it was all so confusing. Sirius had come back like a ghost to made him remember, remember his missing friends, remember the love words they once shared, remember all the promises, remember his love for the long-haired man. his beautiful grey eyes, his soft skin and childish smile'  
  
"NO!" he said out loud and hit the table. 'He couldn't remember, all his words have been a lie, the man he loved was a murdered, he killed three of his best friends and left a child without the love of his parents. He just couldn't remember.  
  
Tiredly he stood up and his eyes were attracted by a photograph on a shelf. It was Severus and himself, smiling brightly in front of a beautiful lake. With a trembling finger he caressed Severus sillouhette, almost feeling his presence and shivered.  
  
He had been living nine years with him, he was the only person who had really understood him, even more than Albus, the only person who had been able to make him smile, the only person who had touched him without repulsion, the only person who had really loved him'  
  
'the only person besides Sirius Black' he said a little voice in his head.  
  
Frowning he left the room, trying to empty his mind and concentrate on the meeting he had tonight.  
  
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He was walking through a dark forest, stumbling with every step until he fell on the floor. He remained lying for a few minutes and he looked at the sky. The full moon. He tensed, ready to the transformation, but nothing happened. Suddenly a dark figure came from the darkness and walked closer, his arms opened.  
  
"You won't be alone Moony, never again... trust me ..., I love you" He instantly recognize his voice  
  
"Sirius" he managed to say and walked towards that warm embrace.  
  
When he reached Sirius arms, they transformed into long and sharp swords that cut his warm skin, the smell of blood all over his body, and the smiling face turned into the paled skin and red eyes of Voldemort, who was laughing insupportably loud.  
  
Remus woke up sweating and panting trying to understand what had just happened. "A nightmare, just a nightmare" he whispered trembling. He couldn't go back to sleep so he decided to take a walk when he saw Harry arguing with Severus, The Potinon's Master had found the boy walking around with a papyrus in his hand. He convinced Severus to came back to sleep and sent harry back to the Gryffindor Tower.  
  
The next morning after classes, Remus asked Harry to stay for a moment. Her had discovered that Harry was in possession of the Marauders' Map, the one they used with Peter, James and Sirius when they were young. He was angry with the boy.  
  
'Everyone was risking his life to protect him and they spent the night walking around the castle without protection', Harry looked at him sadly and apologized before walking away.  
  
'Severus worked really hard to protect the boy despite his feelings and that was the way Harry thanked him?' But then he thought about how he treated the Potions Master and froze, 'he needed to fix that, and he was going to do it that night before dinner'.  
  
---------------  
  
That night he finished correcting the final exams and he was ready to fix the things with Severus when he saw the Map. He took and opened it, curious to know if it still worked. He said the magic words and the map was visible again. He started looking at it when he froze. Harry, Ron and Hermione were entering the Whomping Willow . Walking next to him was...  
  
"Peter?" he said astonished  
  
But what he saw next almost made him fall down the floor  
  
"Sirius" he whisper  
  
He ran as fast as he could and burst into Severus rooms but he couldn't find him. He thought the three boys were in danger so he crossed the corridors running to the Whimping Willow. Worried he crawled into the hole and arrived on time to see Sirius Black bleeding on the floor with Crookshanks on his chest and Harry pointing Sirius with his wand, with Ron and Hermione at his side.  
  
_"Expelliarmus" Lupin shouted  
  
Harry's wand flew once more out of his hand; so did the two Hermione was holding. Lupin caught them all deftly, then moved into the room, staring at Black, who still had Crookshanks lying protectively across his chest  
  
Harry stood there, feeling suddenly empty. He hadn't done it. His nerve had failed him. Black was going to be handed back to the dementors.  
  
"Where is he Sirius?" Harry looked quickly at Lupin. He didn't understand what Lupin meant. Who was Lupin talking about? He turned to look at Black again  
  
Blacks face was quite expressionless. For a few seconds he didn't move at all. Then, very slowly, he raised his empty hand and pointed straight at Ron. Mystified, Harry glances around at Ron, who looked bewildered.  
  
"But then....why hasn't he shown himself before now... Unless"  
_  
'Oh Merlin please, let it be true, let it be true. No it can't be possible. Lupin got dizzy and needed all of his strength to hold on'  
  
"_Unless he was the one... unless you switched... without telling me?"  
  
Very slowly, his sunken gaze never leaving Lupin's face, Black nodded.  
_  
All around him blurred as he lost himself in Sirius eyes, in an instant he saw all his pain, all the suffering in those years in prison, knowing that everyone thought he was a murderer, even him...'  
  
Then he moved closer and bent down to embraced Sirius, and everything was perfect again, like the old times.  
  
**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Broken

**CHAPTER THREE: Broken**

**Warning:** The chapter has been written using flashbacks and it can be a little bit confusing. For any doubt you could leave me a review with your questions. I promise I'll answer you as soon as possible. Remember that you can also leave me your comments on www . livejournal . com (user name: daphnemyst), you are all welcome!  
  
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It was Sunday evening, the first Sunday after the end of the school year at Hogwarts. It was the day after all the students had gone away to their homes to enjoy their summer holidays and only the teachers remained there.  
  
Remus Lupin had already packed his bags and made his way to the Dumbledore office. Before he could knock on the door a low voice inside the office made him enter the room. Slowly he sat in the chair and wait. As usual Dumbledore offered him Lemon Drops and some tea and they ate silently.  
  
"So, you are leaving together" the Headmaster said with an intense gaze  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I've seen Severus this morning"  
  
"I see"  
  
"Are you sure is that what you want?"  
  
"Albus you promised...."  
  
"I know, I know...it's your decision." The Headmaster said stopping him. "But I love you all and I want you to be happy"  
  
"But that's what he wants too... he told me..."  
  
"Remus, he loves you" Albus said convincingly.  
  
"I .... I just don't know" the werewolf said sadly "I thought he did but I'm not sure now"  
  
"And what about you" the Headmaster asked "do you love him?"  
  
Remus remained silent for a few minutes, looking straightly into the old man's eyes. Finally he stood up and took his bags, walking towards the door while he muttered.  
  
"I've got to go now"  
  
"You know my office will be always opened for you ...if you need me"  
  
Remus turned around and smiled sadly "I know Albus" and then he went away.  
  
The Headmaster sighed and stood looking at the closed door, several worried wrinkles were painted in his face.  
  
"That's not going to be easy. Don't you think Fawkes?" he said out loud and smoothly caressed his old phoenix bird. The animal made a low sound. "Oh I know ... I know, it's none of my business" he said exasperated and then ordered some food.  
  
-----------------------

A few days before, in the cold dungeons, a dark-haired man was looking at the dark trees of the Forbidden Forest, bathed by the moonlight, through the tall windows. 'He never felt the night so dark and the light so sharp. He always knew something could happen at any time, but he never could imagine it would be like that. He never imagined the coldness, the pain so long forgotten. In a few hours he would be alone, alone after nine years of pretending happiness. But he was determined...'  
  
Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts  
  
"Enter" he said and turned around to face the door. A small silhouette entered the room silently, an undetermined expression in his face.  
  
"I can explain it Severus"  
  
"There is nothing to explain Lupin" the Potion's Master said sharply  
  
"But if you just let me... you don't understand... it has been a long time... all these years I thought he killed them Severus, but I was wrong... I don't know what I'm feeling right now and ... he needs me" he said, trying to put all his thoughts and feelings in a coherent sentence, but he failed.  
  
"You're wrong Mr.Lupin, I consider myself an intelligent person and I know what I've just seen. I'm not a fool, I know what kind of "need" he wants from you... and I have serious motives to think it's reciprocate" he said levitating a trunk towards the werewolf .  
  
"What's that?" Remus said hopeless, knowing the answer fully well  
  
"Your belongings" he said as if stating the obvious "I think you'll need them in your 'new life'" he said, his voice so slightly trembling that his lover almost missed it. Almost.  
  
"You don't want me to go" he said with a faint of hope  
  
"Oh, Yes I do" he answered, trying successfully to seem determined. "I told you then and I repeat it now: I'm not the second option of anyone. You managed to lie to me during nine years Lupin, but you won't anymore"  
  
"Lie... I didn't lie to you Severus.. I lov..."  
  
"Shut your poisoning mouth, you repulsive werewolf" The Potion's Master shouted trembling with anger, and Remus froze. He never heard such filthy words from Severus, not even in their school years. But he instantly felt an unknown anger pulsing inside his veins  
  
"You don't understand a shit Severus, as usual, you never trusted me and you will never trust anyone because you're just a coward" he said shaking " You never trust anyone because you're just too afraid, If someone can make you suffer you push him away..."  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH, GET OUT OF MY ROOMS" Severus shouted trembling in anger  
  
"Be sure I will" Remus said strangely calmed "Maybe you're right, maybe I should start a new life... at least 'he' trusts me" He finished, the anger mixed with an aching sharply pain.  
  
He took his trunk and went away, closing the door noisily behind him and crossing the damp corridors quickly, a single tear unsuccessfully struggling to get out of his eyes. 'He felt empty, so terribly empty ... but he managed not to feel it... Severus didn't want him... he didn't love him... he was angry just because Sirius took him his 'property'... just because he hated Sirius...' he thought, but deeply in his heart he know that was not true.  
  
--------------------------'It has been all so fast... a month ago he had discovered that his old lover Sirius Black was not a murderer, that he had been held in Azkaban for twelve long years knowing that anyone trusted him.  
  
And now it was there in front of him, claiming for his lost love just like in the school days. He was devastated and broken and needed someone by his side. He had just known Harry, his godson, when the boy had rescued him from the Hogwarts prison and helped him escape. He was the last memory of his friends James and Lily Potter.'  
  
Remus put a gently hand on his shoulder while Sirius tried to explain what happened that terrible day twelve years before. His voice was low and tremulous, his body shaking in tears.  
  
"I tried to tell you Moony... but I just couldn't, it was too risky... I thought I would fail so I asked Peter.... I'm so sorry... I didn't know, if I had just been stronger..."  
  
Remus embraced him and smelt his scent with his wolf senses, recognizing the sweet taste of his lost love beyond the sweat and the fear... 'he was still him, the young Sirius he loved was still there, hidden behind a thirty-year-old body'.  
  
"It was not your fault, Padfood" he said and embraced him "It's me who needs to apologize..." he said with a weak voice  
  
"I didn't trust you, I thought your were a murderer, I thought you brought them to Voldemort... I'm sorry" he finished almost whispering.  
  
They stayed in each other's arms for what seemed to be years, since both calmed down. Then Sirius talked for hours, he explained all his years in Azkaban, all his thoughts, the feel of guilty and the pain for his friend's deaths.  
  
And finally he said something that broke Remus from the inside, something that hurt him deeply.  
  
"But there is something that made me go on, something to fight for" Sirius said, looking intently into Remus eyes, with such confidence that afraid him.  
  
Slowly he put a gently hand on Remus' cheek, caressing him kindly with his thumb  
  
"And that was you ... you were the only strength I had to keep on living... I love you Moony, I never stopped loving you... your memories were the only thing they couldn't made me forget"  
  
And without any advice, Sirius pressed his body against his lover, making them both gently fell down the floor, and embraced him with such strength Remus couldn't believe possible. Then his lips touched and a shiver shook his body so strong that he thought he could faint. His mouth responded instinctively and moaned when their tongues touched. But then he came back to the present and pushed Sirius' mouth away.  
  
"No... Sirius wait.... I cant"  
  
"What's the matter ?" Sirius said worriedly  
  
"Sirius ... you have to understand... it's been so long... I believed you killed Lily and James.."  
  
"I don't understand Remus... nothing of that matters now...I love you... it will be like the old times, when we were together... come with me Moony, come with me to Grimauld Place, we will start a new life..." Sirius pleaded  
  
"I can't Sirius... I ... I am with someone now" he finally said and Sirius froze, suddenly understanding  
  
"Who...? Do I know him?"  
  
Remus stared at him, the words struggling to get out of his mouth when the door was opened. A large black robe entered the room and suddenly stopped. A pair of painful eyes remained looking at him intently for a few more seconds, and then, without uttering a word, he went away, letting the chilly wind blowing through the opened door.  
  
"No! Severus wait!" Remus shouted and pushed Sirius away trying to follow the Potion's Master, but a hand strengthened around his arm stopped him.  
  
"Since when do you mind what the 'greasy old bastard' thinks?" Sirius asked  
  
Slowly Remus looked at Sirius eyes and he understood. Pushing Remus away he asked:  
  
"How long?"  
  
"Sirius..." Remus said and moved closer  
  
"How long?" he asked almost shouting  
  
"Nine...." He whispered it so low that Sirius couldn't hear the ending  
  
"Months?"  
  
"Years"  
  
Sirius stepped further and looked at Remus not wanting to believe it, but when he saw his eyes he knew it was true. Suddenly he felt really ill and almost fell down the chair behind him. Remus looked at him hesitating but finally he turned around and made his way to the dungeons 'he could explain him after, but first of all he had to find Severus'.  
  
And he found him, looking at the dark trees on the forbidden forest through the tall windows. Remus sighed and entered the room, hoping he would understand....TO BE CONTINUED  
  
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Like it? Hate it? Review please!!!!!! 


	4. Learning to move on

**CHAPTER FOUR: Learning to move on**

****

**Disclaimer:** the dialogues written between are quoted literally from the third book of Harry Potter "The Prisoner of Azkaban". I took them because they match perfectly with the plot of my story, I hope you don't mind!   
  
Special thanks to my beta reader **Kristle Blackman**, thank you very much for your help and for giving me the title of this new chapter. The remaining grammar mistakes in this chapter are entirely my fault so please be patient with me.

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Remus looked back at the old castle, going away for the last time. He stood there for a few minutes, freezing due to the unusual cold wind that was blowing that summer. Suddenly he saw a light in the Gryffindor tower and remembered a talk he had with Harry two days before.

He was at his office thinking about the year he spent at Hogwarts 'He believed it has been a good decision to take Dumbledore's offer as a DADA professor. It has been the first job where he had felt useful and appreciated' 

He took the cup of coffee and drank. 'Mmm... too much sugar'... he thought, and remembered a day when Severus drank from the wrong cup without realizing it was Remus' coffee. He almost choked and after he could breath again he started yelling at him about 'the unhealthy effects of the abusive use of sugar' and after asking him 'what did he think he was doing with his life'. He was so angry that his cheeks were painted red and Remus couldn't help but laugh. A brief smile passed across his lips for a moment before remembering the present situation.

He sighed and started packing his bags to leave, when the young Harry Potter entered the room quite exited, he was sweating due to the run he had just made and was looking at him with pleading eyes. He smiled, 'he had seen this expression on James' eyes too often'. Harry saw his old suitcase full of clothes and without letting him explain himself he asked:

"I just saw Hagrid. And he said you'd resigned. It's not true, is it?"

"I'm afraid it is," Remus said tiredly

"Why?" said Harry. "The Ministry of Magic don't think you were helping Sirius, do they?"

Remus moved closer to the boy and put a gentle hand on his shoulders

"No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives." He sighed.

"That was the final straw for Severus. I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he -- er -- accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast."

'Yes, accidentally!' he thought looking at the Gryffindor window 'Severus had made it well. He wanted him out of his life so he spread his 'little' secret all over the damned school' he thought angrily. 'He really didn't understand him. After nine long years he couldn't tell if the Potions Master wanted Remus with him or not'

But then a wave of sadness invaded him 'It all went so terribly wrong! Certainly he couldn't blame him after all, he had found him embracing Sirius...' but the anger soon increased again 'Of course it was his fault... maybe if he wasn't so stupid... maybe if he had let him speak...'

"You're not leaving just because of that!" said Harry.

"This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents.... They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry."

"You're the best Defense Against the Dark Arts- teacher we've ever had!" said Harry. "Don't go!"

'Remus smiled, Harry was a good boy, even better than his father. Resolutely he took his suitcase and went away; Sirius was waiting for him at Grimauld Place.'  
  
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Severus woke up Monday morning. 'The first Monday of a new bloody year, full of stupid students that were there just to heat the chairs'. He blinked several times and instinctively moved his hand towards the right side of the bed, where Remus used to sleep, but he found it cold and empty.  
  
Slowly he opened his eyes and stared at the empty space at his side. Three months passed since his lover left and he was not used to sleeping alone yet.  
  
He stood up and went to the shower trying not to think about his lover. He was drying himself with a towel when he heard a strange noise coming from the bedroom. He entered the room and saw an owl flying around the bedroom, throwing things on the floor with his wings. "Damned owls" He said out loud trying to get him out 

When the animal was gone he picked up all of the objects spread on the floor. One of those objects was a small frame with a picture inside and the glass slightly broken. It was a photograph from his thirtieth birthday.

Remus was trying to put a ridiculous sparkling hat on his head and he was trying to take it off from Remus hand. They struggled for a few seconds and then fell down to the floor laughing. He looked at this image for what seemed to be years, an unusual smile on his face. Then a wave of sadness invaded him and he put the frame on the table again.

'He knew he had taken the right decision. Remus loved that bastard, he always had, even when he was with him and he was not going to have them around, kissing each other like teenagers'  
  
Tiredly he put on his robe and went away to the Great Hall. The room was full of laughs and noises and that made him even angrier. He ate silently trying to avoid Dumbledore's eyes.

'The old bastard was trying to change his life again.' He thought bitterly

He barely ate and tried to leave the Great Hall early so the old man couldn't have the opportunity to talk to him. Then he went straightly to the first class with the second-year students. As usual the lesson was incredibly bored.

'And what so you want, Severus! Teaching a group of teenagers how to make a simple healing potion for small cuts and bruises was not what he could classify as an exciting job' He thought exasperated.

After the class he had a free hour so he decided to go back to his quarters. He walked through the corridors, full of children running and shouting. The first five minutes he concentrated on deducing points for every student stupid enough to walk near him but then he focused on the new potion he was creating in his lab.  
  
Suddenly he literally crashed against someone. They both fell on the floor and he started to insult the 'idiot project of a child unable to watch where he was walking'. Then a sonorous laugh made him raise his head to see ....

"Now, now my boy, you shouldn't get angry for a little incident like that"

'Oh no... why is it always me?' He thought when he saw the Headmaster sitting on the floor in front of him

"By the way Severus, I would like to talk to you this evening after class if you don't mind... I wanted to tell you this morning but you just left so quickly..." Dumbledore started while he was trying to stand up.

"Today I can't Albus, I haven't finished the potion you asked me and precisely this evening I have to add the Mandragora's root or..."

"Oh, don't worry my child, it will be just a few minutes, I won't delay you."

'Damned old git'

"Ok Albus, as you wish. I will be at your office around seven o'clock" He said walking away

"That would be perfect" the Headmaster said satisfied

The day passed quite fast for the Potions Master. In fact it passed faster than he wished. Around seven o'clock in the evening he made his way to Dumbledore's office. A usual, before he could even knock a soft voice from the inside made him enter the room.

"Ah Severus, you arrive on time, I have just made some coffee. Black and without sugar or milk, isn't it?"

"Yes, thank you Albus"

Professor Snape sat in front of the Headmaster and drank his coffee just as he liked it, black and bitter 'like he was' he thought ironically amused. They drank in silence and ate some biscuits, both focused on their own thoughts.

"Albus if you don't mind I have some work to do in my lab"

"Oh yes, forgive me Severus I was just thinking...I am worried about you Severus, since Remus left you barely eat and you didn't even moved away for holidays. Maybe you should take a rest; I can find someone to substitute for a few weeks...."

"There's no need to worry Albus, I am perfectly fine, I don't need a rest and I am in no need of your advises" Severus said angrily

"Calm down my boy, I just want to help you. You are thinner than usual and even paler. You barely sleep and you are always closed in your lab. I am seriously worried and I am going to give you some free days if you don't start taking care of yourself. And I won't accept no as an answer" the Headmaster said severely

"And what exactly do you want me to do?" he said exasperated

"First of all you won't miss any meal at the Great hall and be sure I will check whether you eat or not. And then I don't want you to spend all your free time working in your lab so I want you to participate in the school activities, even the non-compulsory."

"I am not a child Albus; I think I can spend my free time wherever I want"

"Not until you start acting like the adult you are!" The Headmaster said rising his voice. "I won't let you play the victim anymore Severus. I'm sick and tired of seeing you live like a ghost. It is time to carry on with your life, with Remus or without him"

Without uttering a word the Potions Master stood up and walked toward the door. He was going away to his dungeons when he heard a voice from the office.

"And remember, this Sunday we have a school trip to Hogsmeade and I want to see you there..."

'Bastard' was all he managed to think, the anger filling his head like a drug. 'I think I'll need some alcohol tonight' he thought furious.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

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**To HPSlashfan4evr:** Thanks for reviewing, I hope you like the new chapter too. Enjoy!

**To AffectedMangoO:** Thanks for your comment, here you have the new chapter. Hope you like it!


	5. Black coffee and other missings

**CHAPTER FIVE: Black Coffee and other missings**

**Disclamer:** I don't own any of this characters and only used them only for fun, no lucrative purpose is hidden behind this story.

Special thanks to my beta reader **Kristle Blackman**, thank you very much for your help and for giving me the title of this new chapter. The remaining grammar mistakes in this chapter are entirely my fault so please be patient with me.

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After three months of living together they still slept in separated rooms. He remembered the day he arrived at Grimauld Place, he had never been there before and from the outside the house seemed to be very old. But when he entered he noticed Sirius worked on the house, with just one week he had cleaned the whole building that gave it a more human look.

He reached the kitchen and couldn't help but laugh when he saw Sirius with a white apron and a pan in his hand. The dark-haired man smiled.

"Remus, I was waiting for you! I will show you the house but first of all we need to eat something" he said looking at the food on the table which didn't look especially tasty.

"Well..." he said after looking at the meal suspiciously

"It is seen I am a little bit out of practice..." He said apologetically, looking at him with puppy eyes

"It doesn't matter Sirius I am not really hungry" Remus said laughing

"Ok, let's show you the house then" Sirius said resolutely.

On the first floor he could see a large dining room, a blank space on the wall showed that a huge picture had been hanged there for quite a long time. The next room was a spacious kitchen with old furniture and a large wooden table. Finally between the kitchen and the stairs there was a small cupboard.

On the second floor there was a large corridor with doors on both sides. Sirius opened one of those doors and both entered a big bedroom with a four posted bed, an old carpet and a wood wardrobe.

Gently Sirius took Remus' suitcase and placed it on the floor. Then he took his cheek with his right hand and squeezed it gently.

"I know it's not so smart but all I have is yours now" he said sweetly

He moved closer and kissed him deeply, caressing his arms up and down with hungry fingers. Gentle he pushed him against the bed, trying to undress him. Slowly Sirius unfastened Remus' shirt buttons and roamed his soft chest while he kissed him everywhere he could reach.

Remus moaned with pleasure and stood still, shivering with pleasure. Impatiently Sirius took off Remus' underwear and took his cock softly with his mouth; panting, Remus looked at his long silky hair and caressed it.

Suddenly a memory of Severus hit his head and he froze. Sirius noticed and looked at him intently.

"Are you okay Remus"´

"No... I mean yes but I think we should stop" he answered determined

"If I did something..."

"No Sirius, you didn't do anything wrong, it's just that I think it's too soon"

Sirius remained looking at him trying to understand his words. Remus tried hard to explain himself

"I can't do it now... It's been so long ... I want to start again with you... from the beginning... I just need some time"

The black-haired man nod with understatement and stood up, putting on his clothes again. Smiling briefly he took Remus' hand and leaded him through the empty corridor. He stooped in front of a closed door and opened it to enter in the darkness.

"Lumos" he muttered and a bright glow enlightened the room. It was a big room, with several windows opened to the garden.

"This is my bedroom; I've been using it since I moved in here. It used to be my chamber when I was younger, before I moved to James' house. You can stay here, I will use the guestroom"

"No Sirius I am the guest here"

Sirius took him by his waist

"You are not a guest Moony, whatever our relationship is this is your house, it has always been"

Remus smiled sweetly. After a few moments they agreed to eat something and made their way to the kitchen.

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Five month later Remus opened his eyes in a sunny Sunday morning. He looked at his right and saw the tall and beautiful body of Sirius Black lying at his side. Slowly he woke up and put on his dressing-gown.

He walked towards the door and made a last look at his boyfriend. He sighed. After a few month of relationship he still wasn't able to have sex with him. They had kissed, they'd shared sweet touches and friendly caresses, but they never went further.

He walked down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen. He poured the water on the coffee pot and warmed the water (he couldn't use the magic because the whole Ministry of Magic was following Sirius and suspected him).

Slowly the coffee beans stained the water with a dark and heavy color. Remus took the sugar and filled a spoon with the sweet substance. He was on the verge of spilling the sugar on the dark coffee when the smell of the bitter liquid filled his nostrils.

An image hit his head so badly that he needed a few moments to recover. He saw himself lying naked between silky sheets. Suddenly a taste of bitter coffee filled him when a sweet mouth covered his and gently arms embraced his lean body.

When he could breath again he put the sugar back into the sugar bowl and moved the cup of coffee near his lips.

"Since when do you drink your coffee without sugar" A voice said from the door.

Remus lifted his head and saw the smiling figure of Sirius Black, so beautiful that hurt with his long dark hair lying freely on his shoulders.

"I drink it with too much sugar ... I should take better care of myself" he responded

"Worried for your little fangs you sexy werewolf?" Sirius asked seductively

Remus laughed sadly and passed the rest of the breakfast eating silently, savoring his coffee just as it was the last in his life. Sirius looked at him worriedly but didn't say a word.

After the breakfast he had a shower. With just a towel around his waist and his hair still wet he opened the cupboard and looked for some clothes. At the bottom of the furniture there was a peace of clothing that attracted his attention. He took it and unfolded it. It was a black large robe with a large number of buttons velvety to the tact.

"Severus" Remus muttered.

Slowly he unfastened the buttons and put it on, the soft fabric against his naked chest, and started to breathe faster. Suddenly he took the robe off and threw it furiously on the bin next to the bed. He put on some clothes and walked down the stairs to the living room. Sirius was reading a newspaper

"You are ready" he said smiling "I've found a muggle place on the south, there's a big lake and a forest, and we can eat the lunch there. What do you think?"

"Sirius you know you can't go out, they are following you..." Remus reminded him

"Oh come on, it's a muggle place, no one knows me there. We can't stay locked in here the rest of our lives!"

"Please?" he said with pleading eyes

"Oh ok" he accepted laughing; knowing that he couldn't deny him anything when Sirius looked at him that way.

They took Sirius old motorbike, Hagrid had given it him back when he knew he needed to remain hidden, and drove for about three hours. Finally they reached the lake and looked for a quiet place to eat.

The sight was beautiful, the big lake was surrounded by tall trees and green grass; the wind was cold and the water was covered by a thin cover of ice but they didn't seem to care. Sirius looked extraordinary handsome in his black woolen hat and Remus couldn't help but appreciate it.

They ate in a comfortable silence, enjoying their company.

'It was like the old times, when they used to run from Hogwarts on the weekends to be alone for a while' Remus thought and smiled.

Sirius smiled him back and moved closer. He put a hand around the werewolf's shoulders and stretched him in his arms. Remus moved against Sirius' chest and they stood there, protecting each other with the warm of their bodies.

After a few hours the sun went down and they decided to go back home. When they entered the house Remus faced Sirius and looked at him gravely

"Thank you" he whispered

"What for"

"For letting me remember" He said and kissed him deeply 'and for making me forget' he thought

"I'm going to bed, I'm tired" He said before Sirius could even reply

"Of course" Sirius said

"See you tomorrow"

Remus smiled shyly and walked to his bedroom. Tiredly he undressed and put the clothes back in the cupboard when his eyes met the bin placed next to the bed, where a piece of robe attracted his attention. He took it and instantly recognized Severus' robe. Sweetly he folded it and put it carefully into the cupboard.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

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**To Oni-Baka: **Thanks for reviewing, it's always a pleasure to hear your opinion. Keep on reading and please make me know your opinion.

**To Alliance Webb:** Thank you very much for your review, I really appreciate it. About Severus and Remus... well, I can't tell you anything about it, you will see you at the end of the fic (evil laugh). Now talking seriously, I must tell you that due to the censorship, some paragraphs will be missing in the following chapters. If you want to read the full version you will find it in my livejournal www . livejournal . com (user name: daphnemyst) If you want you can leave your comment on it. And thanks again for your review!


	6. And the full moon came again

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CHAPTER 6: And the full moon came again**

It was eight o'clock in the evening. The sun was going down quickly and the power of the moonlight seemed to grow with every minute. The werewolf was sitting next to the window, watching the last shining lights of the sun staining the sky red.

Sighing he stood up and looked at Sirius.

"I have to go" he said tiredly

"Are you sure you want to go alone, I can transform..."

"No Sirius... I prefer to do it alone"

"As you wish", he said angrily and keep on reading the Daily Prophet

Remus approached him and kissed him tenderly. Then he went down the stairs and went to the small cellar placed under the house. It was a tiny room, with nothing inside except a small window with iron bars on the wall and an old wooden table.

Carefully he undressed himself and left his clothes on the table. Then his eyes met the pale silhouette of the moon and he tensed. Its pale light filled his eyes and noticed his body changing. And unbearable pain hit his body so strong that he had to kneel down. His arms and legs changed and were covered with a soft fur, his back arched and his mouth grow bigger.

The world around him faded away and all the colors disappeared. His human mind hid behind the pounding rage of the wolf. This month the influence of the moon was especially hard and the wolf was angry and wild. Without the Wolfbane the transformation was especially hard but Remus didn't have the courage to ask for it.

The whole night was horrible, the wolf was constantly crashing against the walls and deep cuts and wounds marked his fragile body. When the moon finally disappeared and the sun filled the room, a wounded body fell down the floor with a loud crash. Then a low moan escaped from his mouth and tears of pain ran freely down his cheeks.

After a few minutes he heard the noise of footsteps behind the door. A dark silhouette entered the room and kneeled next to the bleeding body and stretched him in his arms. Confused and unable to see properly he let himself fall against his warm body. The werewolf raised his head and looked his face, smiling and sleepy he caressed his face tenderly and pushed his face against his, kissed him deeply.

"Severus.." he muttered and kissed him again "It hurts..."

"Shhh...I'm here... you will be okay" Sirius said, deeply hurt

He embraced Remus' body gently and hold him until he fell asleep.

* * *

It was midnight. The soft autumn wind filled the room producing small waves on the surface of the silver curtains hanged around a four-posted bed. Behind the heavy curtains a tall silhouette pretended to be sleeping quietly, but terrible nightmares were roaming his dreams that night.

All sweaty the Potions Master woke up abruptly, shaking under the lanolin sheet beds. A skinny pale hand removed the long black hairs from his face and he let himself fall down again against the mattress. Still trembling, he closed his eyes and tried to calm down.

After a few minutes his breath was quiet again and he was starting to fall asleep when a warm pair of arms embraced him. He tensed. He wanted know who the intruder was but he felt so well on those arms that he didn't move

"Who are you?" he asked out loud

"I won't leave you again Severus"

The Potions Master opened his eyes and stared at the warm body on his side

"Remus" he whispered, while a heavy weight was pressing against his naked chest

But a pleading mouth covered his before he was able to speak again

'You are dreaming... he is not real ... send him away' a little voice said in his head

Severus knew he should wake up, he knew he should go away, dreaming about his old lover was not going to help him, but when those hands caressed his chest, moving up and down to reach all of his torso he knew he could never escape from him.

"I don't care... I want him" he said at the little voice and embraced Remus' body hungrily, kissing him just like he was going to disappear.

Remus smiled and took off Severus' underwear after taking off his own clothes, and the contact of the two bodies made the Potions Master tremble in pure need. The werewolf smiled wildly and kissed him deeply. Slowly Remus pushed him under his body and penetrated him roughly, pressing himself against the pale body of the Potions Master and kissing him hard and tender, just like their first time on the dungeons nine years ago.

Severus reached the climax and suddenly all seemed to fade away and a knock on the door woke him up.

"Remus" he cried and desperately tried to find his lover

The knock on the door was persistent and Remus was gone. He sighed and tried to calm down

Tiredly he stood up , he put on his robe on his bare chest and opened the door. It was Moody. Severus opened his mouth to send that 'stupid git' out of his chambers, but before he could utter a word, the visitor said

"Before you say something it's Albus who needs you not me, so please avoid your sarcastic comments on my person and follow me" and after saying this he turned around and started walking away.

The Potions Master shut his mouth and followed him angrily

'Why the old bastard had to plan his meetings in the middle of the night?' He was a bad sleeper and he was definitely not in the mood to hear the headmaster babbling about some stupid problem the Potter boy had (because he was sure it was something related with that annoying boy). He had enough with the weekly Occlumence lessons with the brat.

He arrived at the Headmaster office and took his usual seat without paying attention at the other wizards around. After thirty disappointing minutes freezing due to the fact he was only wearing his robe, Albus made his entrance on the office. With a really concerned look on his face he immediately started to speak.

"I'm sorry to convoke you so late my friends, but there's something we need to discuss. As you all know, young mister Potter had been elected to participate in the Triwizard Tournament this year and we still don't know how can that be possibl,e because he is not old enough to participate and the boy swore me he didn't put his name on the sorting"

"And of course you believe him" Severus said visibly annoyed

"What do you mean Severus?" Albus asked him surprised

"Oh come on Albus" the Potions Master said standing up "It's clear that he put his name on the sorting on purpose, it's seen that he is in need of some kind of attention, maybe he will try to play the hero again this year" he said sarcastically.

"But the boy swore me ... what else do we need?"

"Veritaserum" Severus responded resolutely

"No Severus, he gave his word and I believe him, and there's nothing else to discuss about that" the Headmaster finished

Even angrier the Potions Master sat down and the Headmaster proceeded.

"I am worried because I think Voldemort and his followers can be behind all that and it can be dangerous, the sorting can't be changed now so we will have to be careful. Severus, I need you to investigate about it on your next meeting with Voldemort" he said and looked at him intently

Severus sighed and nodded. The Headmaster smiled at him.

"Alastor, Minerva... please stay alert and inform me of any rumor you hear about who could have introduced Potter's name on the sorting, even if you don't consider it important" and the two professors agreed.

"This is all for now, you can go and rest. Minerva, please, if you are so kind to stay for a minute..." he concluded.

They all stood up and went back to their chambers. Severus was walking back to the dungeons when a burning ache started to grow on his left arm, it was the dark mark. He bent down in pain and rested a hand on the wall. He breathed a few times and went back the Headmaster's office, he needed to inform Dumbledore about the meeting. When he reached the door he heard a conversation between the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall.

"Do you think this is a good idea Albus?" McGonagall asked concerned.

"I don't know Minerva, but Harry needs it, I've seen him quite concerned about all the Triwizard Tournament thing, and stay with the remaining of his family can help"

"And what about Severus"

The Potions Master heard the Headmaster sighing

"I don't know that Minerva, but he can't keep avoiding Remus the rest of his life. They made they decision when they decided to give up, and they will have to learn how to live with it, both Remus and Severus"

"So you are decided"

"Yes, tomorrow I'll go to Grimauld Place to invite them. They can spend the Christmas here, we will have enough room, and almost all the students go back home these days"

'Remus is going to come back ... for Christmas... with Black'. He thought with a mix of bitter and pain roaming his mind. But suddenly a terrible pain hit him and knocked the door quickly. A low voice made him enter and he opened the door.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Albus but I want to inform you I have a meeting with the dark lord and I have to go now. Tomorrow I'll inform you..."

"Don't worry my boy... go now... we'll talk about it when you have rested"

"Thank you Albus, Minerva" Severus said.

Unable to walk properly Severus took his broom and flew out of Hogwarts with his black robe flying around his skinny body. When he was out of the school lands, he apparated in the middle of a Death Eater meeting in front of the dark silhouette of Voldemort.

* * *

A week later, Remus woke up in his bed, it was Friday evening and he was finally recovered. He got up and went straightly towards the kitchen, he was starving. On the kitchen he found Sirius cooking something that smelled incredibly tasty. Smiling he approached Sirius and embraced his broad shoulders.

"Mmmm... it smells delicious... what is it?" Remus asked happily

But Sirius went away from his embrace and filled two dishes with the food, and started to eat in silence. Worried, the werewolf sat in front of him

"Sirius, what happens?" he asked, but the dark-haired man ignored him

"Sirius" the wolf insisted and he rested a hand on Sirius' arm

Sirius looked at him, visibly hurt and spat

"Nothing" and tried to eat again

"Then why are you angry?"

"I'm not angry"

"Oh come on Sirius, tell me what's the matter"

"Do you wanna know... do you really want to know? Sirius shouted loudly and stood up.

"I'm tired Remus, tired of your attitude, tired of seeing you refuse me and tired of your lies..."

Remus looked at him utterly surprised

"I... I didn't lie to you"

"You called him, Remus"

"Who did I call... when..." Remus said trying to calm Sirius down

"After the transformation... I went to see you ... and you called me by his name" Sirius shouted again

"I don't understand you"

"For Merlin's sake Remus... you called me Snape"

Remus stared at him scared and then understood... 'the dream... the dream he thought he had after the full moon... it was real... Severus didn't hold him, it was Sirius'

"Oh no Sirius" Remus said tried to approach him. "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to... I'm sorry"

Sirius looked at him briefly and the kissed him rough and hard, he pushed him against the table and started to undressed him. But then Remus panicked and pushed Sirius away. The dark-haired man looked at his eyes and said

"I have enough Remus... I need you... I needed your body so badly since we came here and you keep on refusing me... I love you...but I can't go on with this."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked preoccupied.

"You need to make a decision Remus... if ... if you love me you'll have to show me... you refuse my touches and my kisses.... If you love me... you know what I want and you have to decide if you can give it to me" Sirius finished and went back to his chambers.

Remus stayed still on the kitchen thinking about what just happened. He needed to rest, he was not in the mood to think about it in that moment. Slowly he went out of the kitchen, turned off the light and went away.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the food remained forgotten on the dishes and the darkness and the silence suddenly filled the whole house.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

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**To Baby Traci: **I understand your anger girl but I just can't kill Remus... I promise you I'll think about your idea but I think that the readers want Remus back with Severus... well, let's see what will happen. And thanks for you review!

**Selke: **Thanks for your review, it's a pleasure to know you like it and please, if you enjoy chapter six, review!!!

**Oni-Baka**: I'm afraid you will have to wait another chapter for your Severus/Remus scene... Liked this chapter?? Please review again!

**Kalfir:** Thanks for your review and your patience, now I'm back again!! I hope you like this chapter and I promise you there will be a Severus/Remus scene in the next chapter. Thanks again and don't forget to review!


	7. Changing Hearts

**CHAPTER SEVEN: Changing Hearts**

He didn't sleep the whole night although he was extremely tired. The last two years had been.... Well... quite confusing to say at least and surely painful for everyone.

'And it's entirely my fault' Remus thought sadly

He didn't know what to do or what to think but there was something he knew for sure, Sirius was right, he had to make a decision. After a few hours of thinking, the pale morning sunlight started filling the room and Remus stood up.

He was convinced that anything would make him change his mind. He went down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen. On the table, the remaining of the last day's dinner was claiming to be cleaned. Happily Remus tidied up the mess and cooked a tasty breakfast. He put everything on a plate and went away, stopping in front of a wooden door. He knocked a few times and waited. No sound came from the inside.

He knocked and waited again but he got no answer, so he entered. The room was dark and in silence. He walked towards the big bed where a silhouette was laying peacefully.

"What do you want?" a cold voice asked and Remus jumped, he didn't expect he would be awake.

"I ...um... brought you the breakfast... you didn't eat anything yesterday"

"Not hungry" He said getting up, but a pair of hand stooped him.

"Wait ... listen to me please" Remus said and Sirius sat on the bed, staring at him

"I've been thinking about what you said to me yesterday" Remus started and Sirius was opening his mouth to speak when a finger was placed on his lips.

"No... Sirius please... I need to say this. You were right I've been avoiding you and I didn't want to see it. And well, that's mainly because I couldn't forget him..." Sirius tried to speak but he was silenced again.

"But I've made my decision" he finished and looked at him intently. Slowly he bent down and kissed him gently, laying on the bed next to him.

Sirius pushed him away and looked at him intently, but before he could utter a word Remus said

"Yes I am sure" and smilde at him

Sirius smiled him back and kissed him deeply, caressing Remus' chin with his thumb. Both bodies fell on the mattress while they kissed, hungry hands caressing roughly and tearing off their clothes. Remus broke off the kiss and went down, kissing Sirius chest while he caressed his arms with his hands. Sirius moaned and pushed himself against Remus' hands, pleading softly

"Please Remus ... I need you" he said and pushed the werewolf

"Shhhhh... be patient little doggie" he said with a sexy low voice and the werewolf bent down to start biting and licking Sirius' torso making him groan in pleasure.

A half an hour later they both laid exhausted on the bed

"I think we are too old to shag like teenagers" Siius said while trying to breathe normally again

"Speak for yourself" the werewolf said happily

"Oh come on, werewolf pheromones don't count"

"This has nothing to do with werewolves Siri"

"Of course it has!"

"No it hasn't"

"Yes it has!"

"Oh... you are an insufferable teenager" Remus said while beating him with the pillow

"Look who's talking!" Sirius said laughing

"Ok, if that's what you want..." Sirius said evilly

"..you'll have it" he sentenced.

"Pillow fight!" he added triumphally and took another pillow to start beating Remus back.

The couple started plating with the pillows and laughing joyfully. After some time they laid completely out of strength on the bed, still panting with laughs.

"I'm glad you're here Moony" Sirius said spontaneously

"So am I" the werewolf replied and both smiled at each other.

* * *

A couple of hours later the sound of someone apparating leaded both men to the dinning room. When they entered they could see the silhouette of a well-know person. His purple and pink hat and his also purple robe left them with any doubt.

"Albus!" Remus said happily "what are you doing here?" and he started to approach him when his sad look made him stop

"Is there something wrong Albus?" Sirius asked worried

"Is harry ok?" Remus asked quickly

"oh yes, Harry is perfectly fine" Albus answered, two questioningly faces looking at him.

"It will be better if you sit down my boy" he added

"Albus please, tell us what's wrong"

The old men sighed

"Please Sirius, make him sit down" Albus pleaded and Sirius was obeying him when Remus said nervously

"I don't want to sit down Albus, just tell me what the matter is" The werewolf said

"Severus" started the Headmaster

When he heard the Potions Master name Remus froze and started to panic.

'He is ok... oh please Merlin tell me he is ok' Remus thought and asked

"What...?" started but he couldn't find the words. Albus looked at him apologetically.

"He had a meeting with Voldemort yesterday night."

"Is he dea..." he tried again, but something pulsing in his throat didn't let him speak

"I'm so sorry Remus... I shouldn't let him go... we knew he suspected him"

"No.." he mutter, shaking his head unbelievingly, the blood inside his veins seemed it wanted to get out from his body

"He is still in coma, but Madame Pomfrey can't help him... he suffered too much ... and we decided it wasn't worth trying to bring him back....he was badly hurt and.... "The headmaster said sadly, looking at Remus' painful expression.

"She says he won't hold it too much, but I assure you he is not suffering" Albus said trying to calm him down

"No, you can't let him die" Remus shouted "you m...must help him, Madame Pomfrey.."

"No Remus... we've tried but he is too damaged...."

"NO!! I... I.... need to see him" He said confused

"What?" Sirius asked shocked

"Remus I don't know if it's a good idea" Albus said worried

"I need...." Remus said in shock and went to the cupboard to take his broomstick.

"Remus.... You can't go now" Sirius said angrily but the werewolf didn't pay him attention

"Remus,my boy ... I think you should stay" Albus said trying to stop him from seeing Severus' damaged body

"No.. I need to see him before he d.... "Remus said, tears coming down his cheeks "Oh Severus.... I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have left you alone.... I shouldn't let you go back to those meetings" he said crying.

"Moony..." Sirius said visibly angry "don't you remember how he treated you... he pushed you away remember?, you can't go, he doesn't deserve it"

But the werewolf was already opening the entrance door while trying unsuccessfully to fly. Seeing the boy so shocked Dumbledore decided to let him go.

"Wait Remus... I'll bring you to see him but you need to calm down"

"Albus!" Sirius shouted

"That's not the moment Sirius" the old man said severe.

"But..."

But the headmaster looked at him intently and the black-haired men closed his mouth. Finally both men used a portkey to reach Hogwarts, leaving an angry Sirius alone at Grimmauld Place"

They hardly arrived to the big wooden door of the school that Remus started to ran straight to the infirmary.

"Remus wait he is not.." the headmaster started, but the werewolf disappeared in a corridor

"...in the infirmary" Albus finished to himself

The werewolf ran as fast as he could and burst into the infirmary room, slamming the door with a loud noise. Madame Pomfrey, who was preparing some potions for her patients, looked at him sadly.

"Oh... Remus..." she said quietly

"Where is he?" he asked trying to recover himself after the run and trying to discover Severus' silhouette on the beds.

"We moved them to his chambers. Albus didn't tell you...?"

"What?" Remus asked angry "What were you thinking... he needs constant care!"

"But we can't do more than what we have already done... I thought Albus told you.."

"I did "said the Heaadmaster from the doorway

"Oh of course... you can't help him so he can die alone whenever he wants" Remus cried furiously

"Remus!" the Headmaster replied angrily

"I've gotta go, he needs me now" he said resolutely and he made his way to the dungeons

"Wait Remus, we'll prepare him... you can't see him that way" Albus shouted desperately, but the werewolf was too far away to hear.

"Don't try it Albus, he is too far and surely he wouldn't listen to you" Madame Pomfrey said

* * *

When he reached the door, he opened it slowly and listened. Any sound came form the inside and Remus started to worry

'Oh Merlin please, don't let him be dead' he repeated in his head like a mantra

Slowly he went towards the familiar four-posted bed where a body was lying quietly.

"Severus..." he muttered softly and put a hand on the Potions Master's shoulder in order to see his face. But when he pushed his body in order to look at his face he moved back instantly. What he saw left him so horrified that he remained speechless for a few minutes to finally mutter.

"Oh God... Severus"

And he literally jumped on the skinny body of his old lover, tears running freely down his cheeks.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

**To Kalfir:** Yes you're right, there is a mixture between both fifth and fifth book to make the story more interesting. I hope you don't mind and sorry for the delay. By the way, this chapter is shorter due to the fact I suppressed some explicit sex scenes. If you want to read the full version go to www . adultfanfiction . com. Hope you enjoy


	8. Arguments

**CHAPTER 8: Arguments**

Well guys sorry for the delay, I hope you like he new chapter. Enjoy and please review. The next chapter will be posted next Monday or Tuesday (sorry I work on weekends!)

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Remus was crying over Severus' body when the hand of the Hogwards headmaster squeezed his shoulder.

"Remus… I'm so sorry, I should have thought you'd want to see him... I should have used a glamour…"

" And do you think I wouldn't notice? I can smell it Albus, I can feel his pain, I can feel his strength going away…" Remus said sobbing "

"¿Why didn't you tell me Albus?"

"¿Tell you what?"

"That he had come back to those meetings with you-know-who?"

"Remus you had enough dealing with the fact you weren't together anymore, besides, Severus made me swear I would not tell you"

"But I could have stopped him Albus" Remus shouted furiously. "I could have stopped him and you know it! But of course it was more useful for you to have him as a spy, you know he suspected him, and you still let him go…"

"Stop it Remus!" The headmaster said severely "He insisted, he said he could manage… I know I made a mistake and you don't know how much I am sorry for it"

"You're a liar!" Remus shouted "You used him again, you have always had! ¿Hasn't he paid for what he did yet?"

"Stop it all right now Remus" Dumbledore said rising his voice. "Don't you dare saying such things! I care for him as if he was my own child, but he takes responsibility for what he did and he wanted to do all he could to somehow mend all the suffer he caused! The guilt was eating him alive Remus, you should know that"

"But I could have stopped him Albus… I could have convinced him…" Remus said sadly

"Do you really think so?" Albus said soothingly "He never listens; you know how stubborn he is. Come on Remus, you should rest, I'll stay here with him …"

"No Albus, I'll stay with him, I owe him that, besides, I could not forgive myself if he d…died in my absence"

"Be strong Remus, he needs you to be. I'm sure he'd be glad you are here"

"¿Albus?"

"¿Yes?"

"¿Could you…"

"I'll talk with Sirius, don't worry about him now"

"Thank you Albus"

The headmaster smiled and went away. Remus took off his shoes and he carefully climbed on the bed next to Severus. He was really tired and he fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

Two days passed and Severus was still in coma, but he was weakening quickly. He had trouble breathing by himself and the power of his magic was so poor than the cuts and he bruises that covered his body, magically caused, could not be healed. Twice a day Remus cleaned his wounds by hand, removing the dried blood with a wet cloth.

The third day Remus was healing Severus when Sirius entered the quarters. The werewolf was so absorbed in his work that he didn't notice the presence of the dark haired man that remained silent until he was finished. During all the process, Sirius felt jealous, and a wave of anger was invading him with the passing minutes. The gentleness of his cares showed him how much Remus cared for the "greasy git".

Finally Remus noticed him, hidden behind the shadows of a corner.

"Hello Sirius" Remus said guiltily.

"¿Hello? I haven't seen you in days. Albus told me you were with your ex-lover and all you can say to me is hello?" Sirius said angrily walking near the werewolf.

"Sirius please, I'm really not in the mood"

"¿Not in the mood? ¿not in the mood?" Sirius said dangerously rising his voice "Well I am not in the mood of you avoiding me anymore. Since you arrived here I haven't seen you at all, you spend all the day with him, you even sleep with him, for Merlin's sake"

"Sirius, he is dying!" Remus said with disbelief

"Well, ¿you know what? I don't fucking care if he is dying. He is a Death Eater! A murderer! Maybe he even knew it was not me who betray James and Lily.

Unable to stop his anger Remus slapped Sirius hard on the face. Drops of blood ran out of his mouth, staining the whiteness of his shirt.

"Don't you ever say that again Sirius" Remus said trembling with anger

Calmly Sirius removed the blood of his mouth with the left sleeve of his shirt and asked:

"¿So, how long are you planning to stay with him?"

"As long as he needs me"

"I need you too"

"You're not dying Sirius"

"No, but I am your family Remus and he is not. He threw you away ¿remember? He didn't want you with him" Sirius said.

He turned around and left the room, leaving the cold chilly wind enter through the opened door. Slowly, Remus approached the door and closed it, he rested his forehead in the wooden material and sighed.

Lately that night Severus started convulsing. The movement woke up Remus who checked on his temperature, he got fever. Frightened he got up and called Poppy for help. The mediwitch appeared a minute later followed by Dumbledore.

"¿What happened?" Poppy asked

"I don't know… he just started convulsing and I…"

"Remus let me see him" she said severely trying to move the werewolf out of his side and started her observations.

"¿How's he Poppy?" Dumbledore asked worried

"I can't heal his wounds, they are infected. The infection has reached the blood, that's why he's got the fever" The mediwitch answered while she was administrating him a potion.

"You must help him Poppy" Remus pleaded

"I can't Remus" Poppy said almost crying

"But the potion…"

"It's just a Calming Potion Remus. The wounds can't be healed, he has not enough magic" The mediwitch said sadly "I'm sorry Remus, but I don't think he'd pass the night"

Remus stared at her, not wanting o believe what she was saying. With tears running freely down his cheeks he reached the bed and climbed on it. Then he started caressing Severus hair and wetting his forehead with a cloth.

" I can stay here if you want Remus" The headmaster said

"No, leave us alone, I'll tell you if … I'll tell you when…." He said sobbing

"Okay, please, let us know if you need something. ¿Do you want a calming potion?" Poppy asked

"No Poppy thank you"

Dumbledore and the mediwitch got out of the room. After a couple of hours the candles lit off, but Remus didn't bother lighting them on again, he was so exhausted! He rested the back of his head against the bedhead and without realizing he felt asleep. When he opened is eyes again the firsts rays of he sunlight where entering through the tall windows. He woke up feeling rested, but suddenly a thought hit his mind so badly that he thought is heart was going to stop beating.

"Oh no. Seveus!" He exclaimed panicking and turned his head to his left hand side to check on his old lover.

TO BE CONTINUED

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PD: So sorry boys but I couldn't just tell you if he lives or dies, could I? Oh, I now I'm so evil… just don't be angry you'll soon know!

Thank you everyone for reviewing, your amazing!


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